Ultimate definitions

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CIGARETTE:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

LECTURE:

An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

CONFERENCE:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

TEARS:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:

A place where divorce comes before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before

CLASSIC:

A book which people praise, but never read

SMILE:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

YAWN:

The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth

ETC:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

COMMITTEE:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

EXPERIENCE:

The name men give to their Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:

An invention to bring an end to all inventions

PHILOSOPHER:

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

DIPLOMAT:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

OPTIMIST:

A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST:

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:

A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!

FATHER:

A banker provided by nature

CRIMINAL:

A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught

BOSS:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

POLITICIAN:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later

DOCTOR:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!